深遠の成し遂げなさい [attain profundity]

I have decided to make it public that I have undertaken a new devotion to the study of the Japanese language, Kanji in particular.

It is partly the depth and multitude of ancient symbols that makes them so fascinating. They go well beyond Japanese culture into the times of ancient China and thus connect to a very old part of humanity. They are very appealing visually and they offer a way of understanding language and the meaning inherent in language in a way that I have recognized as being more than just interesting.

I must now believe that life is not too short to be able to dedicate oneself to large, seemingly endless projects. Defeatism can defeat the defeatist if he or she is not careful, so I decided to defeat defeatism rather than letting it defeat me.

I will make no promises about becoming an expert in the field mainly because I would not want to be pretentious or unrealistic. However, I am ready to be more devoted to learning even when the task appears in the form of huge, snow-covered mountain peaks beyond a vastitude (sic) of desert that I am meant to climb.

revealing ruminations

It seems as though the harder and deeper you look into something the more it reveals itself as an obscurity, and more often than not, an obscurity of undyingly complex, overwhelmingly enormous proportions. And so it is with many things, and so it is with written Japanese. Just to write the verb 'to write' in kanji, the Chinese side of written Japanese, consisting of thousands of symbols, about two thousand of which are supposedly needed to be able to read the newspaper with proficiency, is a complicated process that I have not yet learned to read or write.

Even if every journey starts with a single step I find myself flabbergasted by the steps I sometimes envision ahead. Sometimes this is paralyzing. So I pick my battles. To think globally and act locally may be asking too much. Perhaps one should think and act locally but with global effects somewhere in mind (like remembering that burning gas means more carbon dioxide which means more excessive amounts in the atmosphere, etc...).

And yet when one allows oneself to be relaxed, even simple-minded, one can come to startling realizations that can feel much more in touch with reality. The simple thought of one's organs and how they look like things that grow in the forest and how blood vessels look like root structures and tress. It has been said many times before: the simplicity found in complexity. Sometimes I think that it is a kind of stupidity that allows for our deepest thoughts. That perhaps this says something about the intelligence of other animals I would not doubt. If it is our simple recognitions that are our deepest, I would not be surprised if a dog could have even more of these than humans do.

Today I told my supervisor, one of the nicest people I know here, that I will not be recontracting for another year. It was something that I dreaded to say but then I realized that the best thing to do is to be positive about the whole thing--envision that I will have an equal, if not better, sucessor for this town and to be happy that I was even here in the first place (for an entire year!).

Recently I bought two snow tires for my front-wheel-drive car and found a decent gym to go work out in. This already has changed my mood about being here. I guess that I finally realized that one needs to take care of oneself because the other options are not good. Saving money is only good if you create a positive future by living a positive present.

Here is another photo of a cat I met in Nagasaki prefecture. There is something about its begging that makes me slightly uncomfortable. I know that it is manipulating me in order that I will feed it but it is a lie. It doesn't really want to be friends, it just wants food. But I cannot blame it for wanting to be fed and healthy. Try to count every hair on its face.

some random thoughts on how to save the world

Because I was up late with friends in Kumamoto city last night singing "In Bloom" at a karaoke my mind has been having unstructured thoughts today so I thought I might share some...

1. Killing dogs is really not good. Maybe it's time to move to other sources of food like vegetables. Same goes for horses, pigs, and cows (and if you must eat meat then do so in moderation, mindfully if possible).

2. Global warming is a serious problem and for some reason the Bush administration, as well as almost the entire GOP in congress, are in some serious denial about it.

3. There are way too many drugs administered in the United States. I worry about the future of our kids if they develop too much reliance on drugs.

Therefore we need to promote a healthy-living movement that includes healthier ethics and living in general. I think the key to sustainability is to promote the many various levels of mental, physical, and environmental health. We need everyone's help and the changes of the world start with yourself because you are a big part of the world.

Photo Above: Nene birds doing their best together on a rock on Maui, appropriately, sideways as I feel on this strange day.

I miss wilderness

The American West has one thing that I have never found anywhere else and do not plan to (except for maybe in Australia and Africa, if I ever get the chance to go--but even in these places I doubt that I could find what I am really missing). The thing I speak of is best described as wilderness. But it does not necessarily have to be completely wild. It does, however, require that the land has not been scaped or designed or greatly sculpted by human interference. In the west I bathed in these lands, they surrounded me. Even near Los Angeles exists a kind of naturalness that I cannot find near me in this region because I feel that even the mountains here do not go untouched in the way that matters. Not that Mt. Baldy is untouched, but it certainly has very old trees growing on its slopes, and a lot of naturally placed debris like rocks and streams.

I miss the feeling of freeness that I once found when, at a special few moments, I was alone on the Appalatian trail in Connecticut. With a Monday through Friday job I see my days disappear before my eyes as I sit and stand around indoors. Yes it's nice to have my weeknights and weekends mostly free, but there is very little daylight for me to explore during the week. Even so, I reckon that the landscapes here are of a completely different type than the ones that I miss.

If you have been to Yosemite, Joshua Tree, Chiricahua, Sequoia, Redwood, Glacier, or any other of the numerous national parks/monuments in the west, you know what I am talking about. If you have not, then I tell you a part of the soul of the world may be absent from your vision. I guess it also depends on how you experience these places as well.

Thus thus, here here. I can live without my American West for a while. But I recommend that you explore it if you have the chance. The 101 between Oregon and California is one of my favorites, as is the road from Eugene to Bend and back. Arizona, Utah, New Mexico, Nevada, Wyoming, and Colorado are full of good places, most of which I have yet to see, but I can feel them.

One thing about the wilderness that holds true for most people is that it has its place and time. It cannot be the only place of residence. Even the most gun-ho nomads need a little at least a break to be in civilization and see their friends, have a chat. But I will never deny that the deep worth of having ancient trees around, ancient rock-formations to explore or just to watch from afar, and clean lakes and rivers, etc, etc. Luckily I have a feeling that people will never ever be able to take them away. Luckily, even if they do share some important elements with us, they exist well beyond our reach (like most of the planets and starts even in our own galaxy) and that's why they are so wonderful.

L'éducation japonaise: toyu et natto

Bonjour,

Today I will discuss toyu and natto. Toyu is kerosene. Natto is food. Toyu is used in portable heaters to heat most buildings (it seems). When it is burned it creates carbon monoxide and thus a window should be kept open in order for the gas not to harm the people in the room. This, however, does not seem to be part of the Japanese education because no one in my school knows it. That is not entirely true. The kindergarten has moved almost entirely past the use of the machines in exchange for ground-floor heating which is really nice. They only use the toyu heaters in the huge rooms where there'll always be plenty of air. But in elementary and middle schools here the toyu heaters burn all day and no windows are opened, except maybe the doors to the hallways for ten minutes of every hour (possibly but not probably) when teachers are in transition between classrooms. It gets pretty hot in those rooms despite the poor insulation. So maybe it's all good and fine.

Natto is the opposite of toyu in most ways, although it can also keep you warm by giving you energy. It is a certain kind of carefully fermented soy beans (they are fermented using a special enzyme that is kinda like acidophilus, I think it may be called nattocilus). They taste like a delicate, yet sophisticated mixture of cheese and coffee (I don't know why the French have not pounced on eet yet (or the English?), for they would looove it after first getting used to it). It is a bit sticky and slimy and is good for digesting, brain functions, preventing obesity, and it's a really good source of protein. Basically, if this stuff was all humans ate then they'd be superhumans. It's good. Really good.

This was your Japanese education for today

p.s. today I was honored by the Ubuyama kindergarten by being asked to pose with every single class of students in the school. I was the only teacher with this fantastic honor and I do not believe that I will ever accomplish a greater feat. Thus I would like to induct myself into my own hall of fame where I will stand indefinately. Peculiarly all of the very young students had very formal uniforms for this picture day and the oldest grade even had graduation scrolls. It was a very serious version of kindergarten education. Usually it's just a bunch of kids throwing things around, sticking their fingers in places they shouldn't be, having snot running down their nostrils, eating, asking to be picked up, and running around bumping heads and knocking each other over. It was a peculiar and proud site. Even the one-year-olds were capable of standing still, in place, for the photographer.

Mathematical Nightmares

Last night I was still sick from my stomach bug but I managed to have some homemade dinner and I ate the Chinese medicine that I got from the local doctor (this town has a fully modern medical facility depite their being only 1700 people here where it always only costs 10 dollars to go, get checked, and get medicine). Something must've had a bad reaction (or weird reaction) because I ended up having a walking nightmare on my way to bed.

For some reason many of my bad dreams have mathematical equations in them, but not in the direct sense. I wonder if others know what I am talking about? There is the feeling of some sort of figuring out a very difficult equation, or the feeling of some sort of concrete limitation that turns the dream sour. No matter how many calculations are done the equation is never solved, and if solved the consequences are not good. Solving means the definition of limitations, a very scary thing if you ask the nightmare-experiencing side of me. And last night that was me, on my way from my middle, hang-out room to the bedroom I was very hot and frustrated and felt the most extreme sense of tragedy that I can only get from these troubling equational feelings.

It sounds far-fetched, perhaps a little insane. Good thing those are rare moments and my everyday life is much more bright and light. Now I feel I am almost better from my stomach bug and I hope to go say hi to my students. I hope you all are well!

late crazy thoughts (disturbing)

tonight I am up late because of some caffeine I drank and too much food I ate (which made me upchuck). They have these plastic boxes of food here in japan that contain a whole lotta cold food inside. Tonight I was administered the biggest one I had ever seen for a "new year's party." Eating all of it was a very bad idea and a very bad idea that I did not understand to be so at the time. Ugh.

so I probably shouldn't go on too many rants as my mind has been affected by my stomach and given me this queezy, not-so-good feeling to the rest of my entire body. Yummy eh?

But I just came to this idea that although urban life is practical and efficient, it is sometimes also sterile and lifeless. And at its most intense, i.e. Manhattan, Delhi, Beijing, and many other cities (most of which I have never been to...) it can be overwhelming, suffocating, or pacifying/numbing (from over-stimulation). I think of the trend in the great minds of Europe who in my opinion became increasingly depressed and pessimistic as the continent modernized. But then there is the happy medium, the perfect city: Portland comes to mind, San Diego is much closer to it than Los Angeles. But then there is the human fascination with artifice that is most elegently (and ridiculously) portrayed in Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey when the apes go ape over this black monolith that is so perfectly smooth, sharp, and straight-edged. This fascination spreads out to things as strange as garbage heaps. Even I have been impressed with the mere resemblance of a collection of artificial debris (ie trash) as if it were a sculpture, or at least something to photograph.

Then there is Vancouver, the hybrid city. The city surrounded by natural beauty, with trees down its every lane, or so it could sometimes seem. And Seattle. The Pacific Northwest did wonders on the world, let's face it. Despite its love for suburbia.

In the country things are different, or are they? I must say that the city and its instruments pervade peoples' lives here just as much as they do in the city. Technology works that way. It is ubiquitous. And with it the infantilzation of the masses. The dreams that rush through every well crafted petroleum and metal based, circuitry filled item, that, like a coffin, hides its truth inside. And yet I too cannot leave these items without a certain amount of remorse, even intellectually backed remorse (whatever that means).

And what of the coffins of our society? What does it do to a human to never really confront death until one dies oneself? Human frailty, shortness of life, the same idea of mortality that everyone always speaks of but never truly realizes. And that's partly why I am so afraid to venture forth into a country that does not shield its people from death, a country where the sadnesses, frailties, and injustices of life are spilled out in front of you like a cadaver on a dissection table. Did I scare you? Maybe not, but I am not feeling any less queezy. I should perhaps change the subject now.

it's 1:28am and my body just tried to get rid of the rest in its system that it didn't approve of and was perhaps pretty successful in doing so. This is the kind of writing I could only do on an upset stomach, or something of that nature. Still I feel it worthy of giving to you, even if it is not pretty. Nor is much of humanity pretty, whether we allow ourselves to see it or not (it usually goes down some drain or into a box so as to be sure we don't see, smell, hear, or touch it). Perhaps it is better to almost entirely shield ourselves from the things that are really not pretty if are lucky enough to be able to, but I'll leave that to question you.

Sunday trip...

Hey, I went with Nakamura-san and his family all over the place on Sunday. We went to Nagasaki-ken (my first time) and saw Mt. Unzen and Shimabara. We ate freshly barbequed oysters (they are cheap here and there are these little shacks that back built in bbqs. We had some good food together and hung out. It was a generally swell time.

Other than that I kinda have to go soon so I can't write much. But I can write that despite my extreme isolation for most of the week I have very little free time. I guess this 8-4 job takes it out of me pretty well. Then there are all the parties. But I have confidence that I will have more free time to just write and reflect soon enough. In about ten minutes I am leaving to go hang out with some women for whom I lead a conversation class every week in the nearest "city." They are throwing a little new year's party and it should be good times had by all.

in Ubuyama today the snow melted again

These are all pictuers taken around my front door and near my parking lot after I went on a jog to enjoy the higher than freezing temperatures. I like the roofs here and I feel like I could take pictures all the time and it wouldn't get boring. It's just usually pretty cold to do that and I am needed in the office. Today I realized again how cool the people I work with are. They are full of laughs, smiles, nicenesses, amusing awkwardnesses. Before too long I'll try to put some more photos of them up.

identity, here and there

As I strolled down the street of Kumamoto City this morning after a night out with friends and some good Indian tea for breakfast I realized something that I had realized before, but more pressingly this time. I realized that my identity here on the streets of this Japanese city is almost absolutely affected by the fact that I am caucasian. Many of the things I see as making me who I am don't appear on the radar screen of most of the people here. They see the generic things about me (and maybe they also notice my keen sense of style and my handsome swagger). They certainly notice my glasses. So here I become to the society something very much smaller and different than the person I am used to seeing myself as.

On the other hand the identity perceived by self as opposed to the identity perceived by others (particularly if those others are not close to you) is almost always substantially different, even if you are in your home town. But a much greater degree of the subtleties of your personality and uniqueness are lost to people who don't know your culture. The upside is that I get to be a really cool, special, foreign teacher to a bunch of awesome, happy kids. And that I get to be so different is also pretty interesting (you never go unnoticed, that is for sure).

My first week back of teaching is officially over. It was a good time, mostly. The fifth graders were my last class. I split them up into two groups and made them to "paintings" with colored chalk on the board as a sort of contest. They were very enthusiastic and one team actually made a pretty beautiful picture.

It's interesting how some classes naturally just work and some don't. I do believe it has something to do with the specific groups of personality types and individuals, although I suppose if I were an excellently trained and experienced teacher like my mom I could do well with any class. But even she might have trouble with the grades that have some growing pain problems (puberty, yes, puberty).

I forgot to mention that a few months ago one of my predecessors showed up. He is this congenial bloke from England who stayed in this town for three years and ended up marrying a girl who was from the city of my prefecture.

I also forgot to mention that my flight from Osaka to Kumamoto contained about 100+ US troops on their way to Iraq. I overheard one the the many, who all flew in from different parts of the USA, say "I just realized that I really don't want to go to Iraq." I asked one guy how long they would be in Japan and he said "just a day to have a look around." I told him that I was teaching English in the countryside and he said "so you get to learn some of the language," and I said "sorta." I'm trying though.

It's snowing a lot now. Very cold. Good thing my hot water was fixed!

I just handed out the little Hawaiian gifts that I got for my co-workers here in Ubuyama. One office down, three more to go. I never knew how fun it is to give gifts, even meaningless little ones I got at the ABC store in Kihei.

What else to say? Last night I went to a $60 enkai where I was served like ten different kinds of meats, including horse (which I refused), sea snail, venison, beef, pork, chicken, tuna, squid, etc. Then I was shown into a private ofuro (an onsen bath). I needed that bath... The hot water in my house is broken (which means I may be moving out of my house into a nice newer one).

Let's see here. Teaching is going better. I am starting an English club every Monday from 4-5 in the library. I bought the Star Wars trilogy (the old ones, of course) and I think the kids are gonna love them. How do these kids here do it? They are so darned nice and obedient! I was never like that. Well, there is this one disobedient kid named Hideaki--I was kinda like him, but a little less ostentatious. I have to say, he's pretty funny.

Umm umm, it's getting colder again; I think it may snow soon. It's 5 degrees Celsius in my house right now.

I'll see about taking some photos this weekend and then I can show them to ya'll.

I'm just going to keep on partying and enjoying my inaka life while I still can. I'm even going to enjoy the snow and indoor ice. You betcha. Oh and my friend Gabe and I decided that you'd better just do what you want to do in life, if you can. That's my advice for the day. Do what you really want to do (as long as it doesn't hurt others*). *Extra bonus if it helps others.

Alright, peace.

I'm back in my little home in the countryside. I am content to be back. It was an extremely easy transition. I got home at around 11pm and was at work around 7:55am. Everyone in my office smiled and said welcome back and then they continued their jobs and I studied some Japanese.

People always ask me how it is over here and it's really difficult to say. Usually I just emphasize the fact that I am so isolated and sometimes I'll complain about some aspect of the educational system here, perhaps regarding my lack of real work (teaching five or six hours of every forty hours per week). But for almost every complaint there is something very good to be said about the life here. The food, the customs, the people, the students, the pay, the countryside (including mountains, streams, spas, trees, and old buildings). Not to mention the autumn leaves and flowers.

In the last couple of months I was lucky enough to meet this wonderful family that lives just 7 minutes down the road. Now, as often as I can (hopefully once per week), I go to their house for lunch or dinner and we discuss places in the world, Japan and Japanese culture, America and American culture. They are well traveled and have two adorable kids. They eat brown rice exclusively and I think that almost all of their food is both organic and farmed by themselves. They made a conscious decision to leave the city and move to the countryside. They chose Aso-gun, the region where I am located, because to them it was one of the three best regions in Japan for living in the countryside. It is really nice to have their friendship.

When I was a kid I became infatuated with things country. I loved hand-made wooden furniture and playing in the trees and being outside, picking berries wherver I went (if in season). If I am lucky I can engender some of these aspects of life into my future and then I'll be very content.

I am very tired even though it's 8:14am and I've been up for more than two hours. Soon it'll be time to go to the Kindergarten and hang out with the little ones. That'll be cool.

My Way Back

As I prepare to fly back many feelings rush through me. I must take leave of my family, including one brother that I didn't get to see (but he may be visiting in June). I also must come to terms with the temperature change I will soon experience. 25C will soon turn into -10C.

But I assume that once I have made the dive back into my life there things will pick right back up and I will make the best of my time in a beautiful, hidden, strange countryside of mysteries and friendliness, unreadable stories and so many generations of life.

I will do my best to fulfill my duty as a JET, as a teacher, and as an international representative. I will also maintain my individual life in my little home.

I send my wishes to you all.